Strange human behaviour

Hi unci bax and anti dandi,

I wunts to nowe y mummy and dadi acted all werd a few nites ago. First thy brort rownd lots of giants, then a crazy lady kept starin at me and yoda and makin funy noises, like awwwwwwwwwww. Thn they al got werd and stayd up all nite. I cud not sleep, so I dug and dug and dug and dug

Yours tirdly

thor

Baxter says:

DEER THOR oh hai hai HAI nice to heer from yoo tort AH NO RITE wot is it with al theez gyants everywher ah meen wot speesheez of tort ar they they do not hav shells AN THEY AR ALL HAIRY bax is scayrd jus thinkin of it

RUN LITL TORT RUN

lov baxman tort xxx

Dandelion says:

Dear Thor,
Oh dear, pissed again was she?
Love and sympathy,
Dandy xx

Anger issues

Baxter,
I hope you can help. I suffer anger issues, and sometimes relieve the tension and unwind by pushing Wrigley's Chewing Gum sticks into the inflamed anuses of sad Russian clowns. Recently i have found that this is no longer the quelling and calming activity it once was, and as such i need a new way to vent that rage. Can you help?

Yours hoepfully,

Taz xxx

Baxter says:
DEER TAZ baxter is rooshen not a clown but ah am rooshen tort pls do not hurt mah poo hole.
if yoo ar angree yoo shud do wot bax dus and tare up pikshurs of sherril cols husbend with mah claws SHE IS PRITTY AH HAYT HIM
lov the baxman xxx

Dandelion says:
Dear Taz,
Sorry to hear your trusted form of release is no longer working for you. Why not channel your energy into a sport, or music? Or if all else fails, drown it in gin and vermouth, like I do.
Best wishes,
Dandy