Torty grammar fail

Dear Baxter,
I was wondering if it might be appropriate to send you on a
punctuation course when I suddenly realised that your grammar and
punctuation are most likely impeccable, and that the problem is with the
way you have to stand on the keys to type! I imagine that this causes
your responses to be delayed, whilst you furiously walk back and forth
to the Backspace key. Have you ever tried training a voice recognition
program to recognise Tortese (or is it Tortish?)?
Your friend,
Mysterious Mr. M

Baxter says:
DEER MISTEERIUS MISTER M WOT IS GRAMMER IS IT THAT NICE SMILEE MAN ON TEEVEE CALLD FRAYZER AH LIKE HIM AN HIS FUNNEH FASE baxter dusnt understand
lov BAXMAN BAX xxx

Dandelion says:
Dear Mysterious Mr. M,
It's true, typing correctly when you're a tort is a tricky business. Unfortunately, we torts are silent apart from the occasional hiss and quacking noise, which are essentially meaningless, non-linguistic sounds.
Therefore sadly we must spend many an hour tapping the keyboard with our little claws, endeavouring to produce a grammatically correct response. Some try harder than others.
All the best,
Dandelion