Tortoise droppings

Hi Baxter,
When the God Om came to the Discworld, he spokes his commandments. Due
to the time he spent as a tortoise, one of them involves commanding his
worshipers to pick up tortoises and carry them wherever they bloody well
please. Unless, and this is important, you are an eagle (As it turns out
these are the only birds that have figured out how to eat tortoises by
lifting them high in the sky and then dropping them).
Have you ever had eagle trouble?
Mr Sam "Of the Muppets" Eagle

Baxter says:
Deer SAM OH HAI wot is an eegl ah think it has a beek but its beek is not as nise as baxters
HANG ON AR YOO AN EEGL AR YOO BAAWLD HEE HEE HEE HEE HEEE HEEEE
lov the baxman xxx

Dandelion says:
Dear Sam,
Nope, no eagle trouble here. The odd squirrel and magpie, but a good layer of mesh between us and them.
Dandelion
p.s. don't eat us we're poisonous

Tasty tort

Helo unci bax,

Do ewe taste nice? Eye em hungry

Thor

Baxter says:

deer thor, ah wons likked mahself an ah taystid laik sellery and poo

lov baxxy tort xxx